“..We are but hollow vessels ..washed through by history. Everything is chance ..or nothing is chance. If I believed ..first ..I would be unable to live on ..but I am not yet fully convinced of ..second ” Etty Hillesum.

As I draw upon the words, which 6,000,000 Jewish Slaughtered have not yet created, their impressions leave echoes of their passing for me to find. In this, I will utilize all that I must create in remembering that these were 6,000,000 viable People, plundered from all existence, because they were Jews. It is June 14^th 1941 as Etty Hillesum takes an historian’s view of the washed through vessels of happenings that are pertinent to our lives. We have been blind-sided by the incomprehensible nature of the sheer brutality, to be made aware of the devastation that is gradually overcoming the Jewish People, and in their 1,000,000’s.

“..reaction has stirred up all that is low ..dark and backward. ..bureaucracy does not even hesitate to resort to chauvinistic tendencies ..above all to antisemitic ones.” Leon Trotsky.

Fate, chance and happenstance figure heavily in how we perceive life, and we must look more carefully for its very presence within our existence. But the study of The Holocaust itself does not betray hidden secret of the fate which awaits as many of the 12,000,000 or so Jews of Europe. Hitler has clearly set his sights upon the extinction of not just the Jews of Germany, nor those Jews of Europe who come under his sphere of influence, but the eventuality that all of World Jewry will be decapitated from life, at a given moment some way off. The Second World War is still in its destructive infancy, even though it has been draining 100’s of 1,000’s of human lives for nearly 2 years, and adding consistently to the toll for The Final Solution of The Jewish Question.

“..House Manager thinks I’m a lost woman ..which means either Montluc ..or Compiegne. ..more ..situation improves ..more I fear for ..Children ..that’s why something must be done exclusively for them.” Marianne Cohn.

For Marianne Cohn, the definite opinion as it remained for all Jews, is that she is destined for prison or to the Camp at Compiegne. The Holocaust has been draining Jewish existence now for more than 9 years and all the while the scales of atrocity have tipped more heavily against All Jewish life. The very truth of this, which is to be contained within such places as Majdanek, and Treblinka, ensures and blurs the Jewish mindset of human goodness, which muddies the contagious waters that will be reaching them. Truth is hidden in so many vague attempts to produce the brutal reality that German atrocity is indeed an exterminating one.

“..Life itself must be our fountainhead ..never something or someone else. Many people ..especially women ..draw their strength from others ..instead of directly from life. A man is their source instead of life. That attitude is as distorted and unnatural as it possibly can be.” Etty Hillesum.

It is July 3^rd 1942, and it is a Friday evening, in which for Etty Hillesum here, she still has room to ruminate, to contemplate and even to become assured of the right of the Female to be heard. The trickle of information though, which has caused ripples of disbelief amongst avid listeners, did not mention, as of yet, of the massive undertaking, and killing operation within the ravine at Babi-Yar. Nor has the truth of the Death Camp at Belzec become more than a tale to quieten the sternest voice as to the German preparedness to operate outside the bounds of all of humanity.

“..Death ..only immortal who treats us all alike ..whose pity and whose peace and whose refuge are for all ..soiled and ..pure ..rich and ..poor ..loved and ..unloved.”⁠ Mark Twain.

But while mystery surrounded the removal of every conceivable ounce of Jewish life from every productive corner of Europe, room for doubt would fill the void. Hope became the malingerer of any future prospect which the Jews could hold onto. The Jewish People, being detailed to the far flung reaches and remoteness of the ‘East’, the very detail of the savagery which awaited them, and might yet illuminate their passage to such places, is fully concealed amidst subterfuge and misinformation. The likes of Auschwitz and Sobibor were becoming barely the careful whispers of incredulity, and even the disbelief was feigned in uncertainty.

“..My loved ones ..overjoyed to receive your parcels. ..it’s like getting a little piece of you. ..I am very well ..my health and ..mood are wonderful. ..looking forward to ..be together again in good health.” Marie Ann ‘Mila’ Racine.

Civilised society such as the Germans had exemplified, could never countenance such an outrage as was being rumoured amongst hopeful Jews. But there were real concerns for the many Jews who wished to imagine that the possibility of them being true must garner every attempt to elude such a devastation. By now, all 6 Death Camps were up and running in Poland and piling the death toll higher than the furnaces could deal with. The aktionen of der Einsatzgruppe was a continuous assault upon the very integrity of Jewish existence was was scoring of its relentless approach.

“..experiment in eliminating human spontaneity itself ..transforming ..human personality into a mere thing.” Hannah Arendt.

However, and while the World remained silent and impotent, all the while claiming such atrocities as Chelmno were somewhat exaggerated, even mirage like, the truth of the calamity the Jews faced was grinding them into dust. The World failure was to suppose, that such truth was to be somehow contained, and by Hitler’s lessening of the noose around Jewish necks, which would not be relinquished. Today, it is evident from our vantage point in time, that much of the exterminating information was held within the intelligence domain. What was clearly suspected by many Jews, was obviously known by those non-Jews who placed the Jewish People to the rear of any consideration.

“.. I must admit a new insight into my life and find a place for it ..what is at stake is our impending destruction and annihilation ..we can have no more illusions about that. They are out to destroy us completely ..must accept that and go on from there.” Etty Hillesum.

But what was shrouded enough to baffle the reasoning of Jewish Civilisation, was the tragic reality for Etty Hillesum, and for 6,000,000 of her fellow Jews, and even more, and that their journey would arrive at its terminal end. There was no going ‘on from there’ for Etty, nor for those Jews whose shrouded hope was corralled into the retaining wires and fencing of the Death Camps. Alongside the sheer skill of der Einsatzgruppe in exploring their inner hate, the escalating destruction of the Jewish People grew exponentially. The Death Camps, and other mechanisms for Jewish destruction, were clearly designed to be the terminus for all of Jewish existence.

“..it is easy to cope with ..Jewish problem when ..Jews are small in number ..but it is more difficult in Poland where their number is so much larger.” Jozef Pilsudski.

It is now August 24^th 1943 and Etty Hillesum is detailing varying aspects of an unimaginable crime which she clearly acknowledges is a grave probability. Etty had fully understood what sentence had been proffered upon her Jewish People, and it was a totally devastating one, as it was The Final Solution. Of course all of this was yet to be fully enacted against her fellow Jews, but it is in contrast to a European exterminating trawl which has been in operation for over 2 Years. While countries like Poland laboured over their unwillingness to tackle The Jewish Problem, the question of it was being responded to, particularly with Poland to the tune of some 3,550,000 Polish Jewish lives torn from existence.

“..10,000 have passed through this place ..clothed ..naked ..old ..young ..sick ..healthy ..and I am left to live ..work ..stay cheerful. It will be more parent’s turn to leave soon. .. I must learn to accept this.” Etty Hillesum.

Now supposing we are correct, and even right, and humanity is indebted to the Jewish People for the 6,000,000 Jews, Slaughtered on its watch, how is our debt to be repaid. Would this carefully controlled number become refuted, but perhaps not by any one of the victims dissolved into the soil of Europe. Etty Hillesum herself wrote candidly about her experience as a Jew, taken from her home in Amsterdam, Holland, to the detention centre at Westerbork where she afforded her administrative skills to ease her boredom. From there we would receive from her letters, and the recaptured Diary she afforded us, for all of posterity.

“..There was no train station at ..place.  ..train simply stopped next to ..factory.  They loaded us onto cars and locked ..doors from ..outside. At first ..train journeys were an experience for me.  I had never been on long trips out of ..two villages where I had lived.  School outings were on foot in ..area. I never went on long journeys.  I was excited about ..journey. It was crowded inside ..car. there were two buckets ..one for human waste and one with water.  We travelled as far as Mishkolz ..where they left us inside ..cars for several hours. People were thirsty ..and asked for water.  ..guards wouldn’t let locals approach ..train to give ..passengers water. Until we got to Kosice. There ..we all got out of ..cars. A Hungarian gendarme gave us an impassioned speech to ..effect that we were about to leave Hungary ..and that we had to behave accordingly ..and represent Hungary honourably. He added that if anyone still possessed valuables ..this was ..time to hand them over. We were loaded into ..cars once again ..and ..train continued to travel.  We arrived at ..camp ..Birkenau at night. They told us to disembark quickly and to leave our belongings. They separated ..Men and ..Women.  I saw workers take our suitcases and load them onto wagons.  I understood this from ..way they took them and mixed them all up. One of ..Men unloading ..suitcases approached my Mother and told her to give Iren to an old Woman standing next to her. Mother stayed with Iren.  I did not bid my Mother farewell. I stood at ..end of ..line with Father and my Uncle. We went on foot ..and reached a building ..where they shaved us ..we washed ..received our shoes and they gave us striped prisoner uniforms ..spoon and bowl.” Zoltan Schwartz.

As Etty now beseeches an entity I afford no credibility towards, she distinguishes here, and from a mathematical certainty, expands the loss to Jewish persistence. The very germane truth is that many more Jews than have ever been previously counted, have long since perished in the midst of The Holocaust designed exclusively for their presence. It is certainly true that many others, religious, nationals, they too perished, though not as systematically sought for The Final Solution. That was to remain the territorial province of The Jewish Question to be resolved.

“..God Almighty ..what are you doing to us. ..there is that affectionate little Woman from Rotterdam. She is in her ninth month. ..she stares into ..distance ..a distance into which I cannot follow her. ..waling of ..babies grows louder ..filling every nook and cranny. ..almost too much to bear. A name occurs to me ..Herod.” Etty Hillesum.

There is a little known fact, or at least it is a discussed truth that All Babies are finally delivered in their ninth month, unless they are prematurely born, or terminally aborted. That might appear obvious to most, but the line between departure from a Ghetto, or transit Camp, to the ramps of the Death Camps could see the delivery of multiple Births along the way. For the Jewish Mother, the response to such a marvellous, celebratory occurrence was not wasted upon the German murderer’s. But to destroy the Child of such Love, to deny the Germans their final destructive hate, this was a tangible intervention and for both Jewish Child and it’s Mother, a powerful resistance.

“..in Block 10 Auschwitz ..Clauberg ..wanted .. sterilization of women by ..simple process. .. treatment ..was harsh ..brutal. ..women lived in a constant state of fear and uncertainty. ..they had to submit to ..experiments invented by ..SS doctors ..and when their role ends ..to Birkenau ..gas Chambers ..waiting for them.” Dr. Dora Klein.

From the rails of Westerbork, to the spur at Birkenau, both Women, and those carrying their Children, will travel to their applied and agonizing destruction. But will the Jewish Mother have given Birth to her Jewish Baby along the way. Will this newborn Jewish Child be destroyed at the scene of intention or merely perish, or would mercy interfere with Hitler’s resolve. Will the Jewish Child be born or pass away amidst the clamour for the very air being deprived of its Mother. The transport itself was riddled with the rigours of excess, and the countless number of Jews swelling the insides of Birkenau’s Gas Chambers, would provide an ample harvest for the calculation by statisticians to note.

“..this time measured not in months nor by ..rising and setting of ..sun ..but by a word  ‘actionen’.” Ida Fink.

Along with Jews from all over Europe, Etty was transported to Birkenau, where she was Gassed on November 30^th 1943. While I write in praise of Etty, this is not solely just for me, but Etty’s legacy stands as a reminder that great hatreds produce greater haters in which, the greatest Catastrophe, The Holocaust, now appears in our domain, as our History. I simply wish to place this as a  reminder to fellow searchers, that the truth does not always fit neatly, nor nicely into the very veracity of those facts we seek. The Holocaust must provide the fullest truth, the whole brutal truth in order to deliver incomprehension its total lack of understanding for the consciousness of the human mind to ever contemplate.

“..to my Mother’s rescuers. ..Without them my Mother ..would ..not have survived ..there would be no marriage ..no Children ..no story.” Rita Goldberg.

Will a particular Jewish Baby, or any Jewish Baby, remain confined to a statistical awareness, toward an analysis which does not even represent its fatal loss. Such here is the dilemma, for History, for posterity, for the Jewish People as to how do we find any trace of those Children excluded from our search. How many such Jewish Babies remained confined to their Mother’s womb, or were perished along their tortuous route toward destruction and are all simply lost into the malaise of a murderous structure which does not Recognise nor recall them. My task has not been easy, trying to find those remnant traces of the Jews who reside permanently within the structures of The Holocaust, but are lost in its accounting.

“..I would like to get to Poland as quickly as possible ..then it will all be over and done with and I won’t have to continue with this undignified existence. ..why should I be spared from what has happened to 1,000’s of others.” Etty Hillesum.

Sadly! As we read from those in the midst of the maelstrom, we cannot know how to feel how the Jewish People obviously felt, we simply must empathise with their loss. As Etty Hillesum was being consumed by her deeply tiring, depleting, deflating and her ‘undignified existence’, the fate awaiting her would be so catastrophic, I struggle to confiscate the words necessary to reason her loss. Again, and from our historical perspective, we have the advantage of knowing what all too many of the Jews couldn’t have known then. Who are we to know the mindset of those 6,000,000 Jews of all of Europe who are on the brink of final extinction.

“..For a variety of reasons ..women’s situation was a good deal worse than that of ..men ..physical endurance ..coupled with work more arduous and degrading ..agonies of disrupted families ..and ..haunting presence of ..crematoria ..located right in ..middle of ..women’s camp ..inescapable ..undeniable ..ungodly smoke rising ..to contaminate every day ..every night ..every moment of respite or illusion ..every dream and timorous hope.”  Primo Levi.

We cannot ever judge those who felt the pressure that was directing them, these Jews of Europe pressed toward terminal extermination. For us, Etty Hillesum stored up many riches, words of such concern, and she adds continually to the need for our understanding. Ours is an appreciation of an incomprehensible catastrophe for her, and 6,000,000 of her Jewish People, which we cannot comprehend. But in our endeavours, we establish the rights of those 6,000,000 Jews to be characterised as Human Beings, torn from the very existence they were delivered to, for merely being Jews. Our hearts cannot ever grow more peaceful while the wrongs of The Holocaust will remain un-righted by certain discourse, or the narrative of concern is piled high upon the loss 6,000,000 Jews weighs us down with.

“..sight of ..dead ..women ..children ..not very cheering. ..I think ..you understand me. ..Jews are ..first to feel it. .. wherever ..German ..is ..no Jew remains.” Karl Kretchmer.

When we realize in a single letter, dated October 19^th 1942, Kretchmer belonged to Einsatzgruppe D, and his unit had been Slaughtering Jews for nearly 16 months. With the admission of a mass murderer, does not the recipient become complicit, no longer ignorant to the facts of the Slaughter. But does this only apply to Wives, Mothers, Siblings, Children, Friends, Neighbours or the fuller glut of eager ears that surrounds them. Reckon to with that also, that Kretchmer was a high ranking officer in Sonderkommando 4a, the exact same unit which delivered Babi-Yar to the meaning of terror, and the name of Paul Blobel to infamy. Here, when I search for what to write, it is in my search that I find the means to, even in my own works, previously written. Recently, and I have been countering those who’d suggest the knowledge of the terms Hitler clearly expressed for The Final Solution was little known, and continually in all 30 years and more I have been writing on The Holocaust. When Elie Wiesel pointed to the fact that not all victims were Jews, but All Jews Were Victims, I understood the exact premise which Hitler demanded. For me it was clear, and how could countries or states not know this, not see this, and not be a witness to any of this. My own contention with this has always been, while not all of Europe was guilty, Not All Of Europe Was Innocent. When we wade through this discourse on what SS and der Einsatzgruppe knew, it was a year in which the killing was escalating. When we then hear from the man charged by Hitler to resolve The Jewish Question, we are left in no doubt his audience is, and has become well aware of the Slaughter. This Himmler oration at Posen, delivered to over 90 of the highest ranking Gruppen, and distributed to a further 50 or so other Gruppenfuhrer, and this was on October 4^th 1943, it is evident as to how much did these criminals need to know.

“..I am now referring to ..evacuation of ..Jews ..extermination of ..Jewish People. ..easily said ..Jewish People are being exterminated ..this is very obvious ..it’s ..our program ..elimination of ..Jews ..extermination ..we’re doing it ..a small matter. ..then they turn up ..upstanding 80 million Germans ..each one has his decent Jew. ..Most of you ..know what it means when 100 corpses lie next to each other ..when there are 500 or ..1,000. ..a glorious chapter that has not and will not be spoken of.” Heinrich Himmler.

But Himmler was clearly speaking of it, the extermination of the Jews amidst his upper, higher echelons of his SS empire were also speaking of it. The murderers in the Forests, inside the Pits, and along the Ravines, they were all speaking of it. Not only that, der Einsatzgruppe kommanders were certainly engaged in reminding the home front of their savage but industrious duty. Perhaps I should not reference my own works so readily, as the object lesson is for them to be reached for and searched through. There are all too many today who are wishing to by-pass what should be known in favour of what they’d prefer to accept. But for those who are also seeking what it is I have learned, they have simply to open the pages of my Books to feel the depths to which I have sought to resource the memories from 6,000,000 Slaughtered Jews, many of whom have barely left an impression of their former existence. However, and while my 2nd Book, der Einsatzgruppe delivers the specific evidence’s, and testimonies, which close down pretentious renditions of the lack of knowledge, what was known to the German civilian population is clear, I am still looking to find such accusation which aren’t present in much else that we choose to read.

“..all my creative powers are translated into inner dialogues with You. ..beat of my heart has grown deeper ..more active ..yet more peaceful ..as if I were all ..time storing up inner riches.” Etty Hillesum.